Thursday, August 18, 2011

staring at the ceiling...

I started my Radiation treatment today. I went in for "staging" last week and earlier this week, so today they were ready to add the beam. Once the machine started, I became a bit anxious laying on the flat table, my legs securely held in their form-fit foam mold, my hands above my head holding onto two pegs. The head of the machine rotates around your body, giving off what sounds like a horn noise when the beam is shot. You think about lying perfectly still, breathing evenly so the beam is "shooting" only it's intended target and nothing else. I realized after awhile that their is someone in control back there, like the Wizard of Oz behind the curtain, who could stop the beam if I freaked out and moved. To take away the anxiety and keep myself calm I sang hymns in my head as I stared at the cross on the ceiling. Seems they had to cut a cross out of the ceiling tile directly above to let these two red beams shine through. I think they're for lining-up purposes. But it's a perfect cross, and a symbol to me that I should pray. So I sang hymns, prayed and chanted "kill cancer" for the however many minutes the machine moved around my perfectly still body. You can't feel anything, but I imagine the cancer cells inside of me are getting whacked off, dissolved by the fog-horn zap of the beam. Let's hope so.



6 comments:

  1. Thinking of you & praying those cells definitely get whacked. Hang
    In there & happy Friday! Karen

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  2. Yep...praying is the right thing to do. And the chanting "kill cancer" is great...I love that. Excited for you to be able to play some golf...that will feel great. You are in my prayers....Karen (from Los Angeles)

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  3. The image of those cancer cells getting blasted to bits is a thing of beauty in my mind's eye and such a good focus for you as you lie there. That, and the cross. How perfect that it's above you inspiring you to sing and pray. I'm heading out to my garden now, and I'll take you there with me in prayer.
    xo

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  4. Yes, visualizing those cancer cells getting zapped - BAM! deleted! Thinking about you friend. Take care of yourself. XOXO

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  5. I love it. Great visualization to help get you through. And of course, the power of prayer is miraculous in itself ;) I love you mommy.

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  6. Yes, they are getting whacked in there. I finished my radiation in October, but your description brings it right back to me. The lying still and waiting, ugh! I hope you are doing some nice things for yourself and that these days fly by fast!

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