staring at the ceiling...

I started my Radiation treatment today. I went in for "staging" last week and earlier this week, so today they were ready to add the beam. Once the machine started, I became a bit anxious laying on the flat table, my legs securely held in their form-fit foam mold, my hands above my head holding onto two pegs. The head of the machine rotates around your body, giving off what sounds like a horn noise when the beam is shot. You think about lying perfectly still, breathing evenly so the beam is "shooting" only it's intended target and nothing else. I realized after awhile that their is someone in control back there, like the Wizard of Oz behind the curtain, who could stop the beam if I freaked out and moved. To take away the anxiety and keep myself calm I sang hymns in my head as I stared at the cross on the ceiling. Seems they had to cut a cross out of the ceiling tile directly above to let these two red beams shine through. I think they're for lining-up purposes. But it's a perfect cross, and a symbol to me that I should pray. So I sang hymns, prayed and chanted "kill cancer" for the however many minutes the machine moved around my perfectly still body. You can't feel anything, but I imagine the cancer cells inside of me are getting whacked off, dissolved by the fog-horn zap of the beam. Let's hope so.

from up to down in this crazy ride we call life

I'm laying here in the hospital, waiting to go in for surgery this morning. It all started when I had symptoms that I thought were constipation turned blockage and was told to get to the emergency room. They ordered a CT scan. That was the big reveal.... no blockage, but a "mass", similar in size to my original sarcoma 4 years ago.  Where did that come from??? In April I was clean , so in less than 2 months I grew a 10 cm x 6 cm tumor that's invading my pelvic space...  It's coming out today.... I'll  keep you posted

Clean at Last!

After 4 long "roller-coaster" years of battling cancer, tracking and treating a sarcoma that had metastasized from my pelvis to my right lung, twice, my scan is Clean! I cried from relief this morning after getting the news. 
Thank you all for your prayers, it worked! God is good!

Dear Carter...

On your Christening day

May God grant you always
A sunbeam to warm you
A moonbeam to charm you
A sheltering angel so nothing can harm you
Laughter to cheer you
Faithful friends near you
And whenever you pray
Heaven to hear you.

God bless you

something to celebrate

I've talked about my friend Carolyn here before on my blog, and lastly in this post "people in our lives"Well... great news! The chemo that she has been going through, that has made her lose her hair once again, is working! The lung nodules are shrinking, one was even gone. She was so happy to get these results and we are all so happy for her!
Thank you all for all your prayers for her. Please keep it up. Clearly you all have the power, the power of prayer!

strength, hope, faith

the stocking were hung...

and the decorating's done! Before I went into the hospital on Monday, we spent the 3 day weekend decorating the house for Christmas. I told my husband I was "nesting" to be ready, so I could spend the necessary time recuperating in my beautiful holiday home.
The procedure went well and as planned and I'm home again in my own bed. I'm a bit tired on the pain pills and will take it easy this week. I'm surrounded by supportive family and friends, beautiful flowers, prayers and well wishes.
Thank you all!

our 7 family stockings
the ones on each end were my husbands and mine when we were kids,
can we say antiques?!

our skinny kitchen tree

one of my 3 handmade Santas around the house

our dining room

my 31 year old ceramic tree handpainted
and given to me by my college friend Pat.

We have a few other things around too... the banister garland and the living room mantle and tree, the nativity and my gingerbread houses, but I'll save those for another time.

Happy decorating!

people in our lives...

It's funny how people come into our lives for a reason... a reason we may not even know at the time.
I met my friend Carolyn through my golf group. She's a great golfer and a fun person to be around. She's an upbeat and positive person, a friend that I look forward to seeing every week.
We have a lot in common... and even though I'm 9 years older, it doesn't feel like it. We both have wonderful husbands (who golf of course!), we both have 3 beautiful daughters, come from the Northeast, are avid tennis players and golf gal pals,
and... both of us have had Cancer.
She had breast, I've had sarcoma. A few weeks back she found out that she's had a recurrence, lung nodules showing up for the 2nd time. She's currently undergoing Chemo and she's doing great. Hopefully this will be the treatment to make them disappear for good.
Well... I had my follow up CT scan this past week, to follow nodules they've seen in my lung. After 6 months they've continued to grow and they're now at a size they want to do something about it, coincidentally the same operation that Carolyn had last year. My Oncologist even referred me to her same surgeon.
A "blessing" of a sort to have someone close to you, be able to advise you through an experience they have also shared. Believe me, I wouldn't wish the big C on anyone, but I am grateful for this person in my life to guide me through what to expect. It's a comfort knowing she's been through it and came back strong as ever.
We'll both be back from this strong as ever!
We didn't know we had so much in common when we met, but now I know, we met for a reason. God puts people in our lives... we're here for each other... to comfort, support and help each other.

I have hope and I have faith.
I have a wonderful supportive family, a caring group of friends, and a loving God who I prayerfully ask to see us both through this round.

say a little prayer for me...

Today is my anniversary... no not my wedding, the anniversary of my cancer diagnosis.
Two years ago, I had surgery that was a bit more complicated than routine, and later heard those words from my doctor that no one expects... "I wish I had good news, but I don't..."
nobody wants to hear the word cancer.
For this forum I won't go into the details except to say that I've been clean since my surgery, thank you Lord. I have my 2 year scan coming up at the end of April and have started having a bit of "scanxiety". Ask any cancer patient and they know that word... def: "the tension which builds particulary amongst those who have or have had cancer as they move towards their regular check up scan, hyperscanxiety being the period as they await results".

I believe in the power of pray! I pray for health, to be here for my husband and grow old with him, to see all my girls through young adulthood, to meet my precious unborn grandchildren... not an ambitious bucket list in comparison, I just want to be here and stay here, with my family.

So, my cyberfriends, if you have the time, say a little pray for me, and all the others out there fighting the big "C", and thanks, for there is power behind that prayer.