why am I crying when I should be celebrating?

Crying... is it a stress relief? You've put in your time, suffered the harsh side effects, hoping they will fade away and eventually you can get back to normal. Or, is it the fear returning that although you're done with this part of the battle, you really don't know the outcome. Did you win? You don't know if you've beaten the enemy or he's just hiding and biding his time before showing up again.... months or years down the road. The worry is still there.
It feels like a recuperation is in order... a restful trip, a time away to rebuild my body and soul. Give me strength emotionally and physically, make me happy and whole. 
I pray this for all my comrades fighting cancer, for all the people I met at radiation, and for all the friends I know that are battling a lingering disease.  Find your strength. Find the little things that bring you joy. It's okay to cry... it releases yourself to be able to rebuild.

it's been too long...

three weeks have come and gone since my last post. So what have I been up to? I've had radiation treatment everyday at 4:00. I've been "radiation sick" as my Onc calls it, just tired and nauseous all the time, mixed with bouts of upset digestive tract. As of today though... I only have 4 days left! I'll be so glad when it's over and my body can heal and I can begin to feel better and eat normally again.
I told myself that through the treatment , I would do as much as I could as long as I could, so it hasn't slowed me down too much. I've played a little golf and tennis, lunched w/ the Gal Pals, met with a friend to advise her on her wedding plans, showed property to my youngest daughter as her Real Estate agent, babysat Carter and visited with baby Nathan just this past week. I love my grandboys! Their little smiles light up my life!

 music class with Carter and Nathan

 just being the cutest baby ever! love his sweet smile

 playing at the park

 our new yard guy

 We had so much fun visiting with Kristin and Nathan 

and babysitting Carter while his parents were in Vegas. 

what's been going on...

After the first 2 days of radiation, I flew to Orlando for the weekend to visit K&R and little Nathan. I've been able to see him every month so far and wanted to go if even for just a short visit. I got to see the house they'll be moving to, eat out at some great restaurants, and play with Nathan for 2 days. 

A quick visit because I had to be back on Monday for treatment. 

Fall tennis has started up again and I played for the first time since my surgery in June. It all came back to me and I felt great but it was only 1 hour of practice, we'll see how my stamina is in a match!

I've also played golf with the Gal Pals 3 times and once with Drew. It was so much fun to be back out there again. I'm a bit rusty and not as strong as I had been. It takes a few more stokes to get down the fairway, but I'll get back to where I was shooting eventually. 

Kelly and I are finally working on her master bedroom re-do (her birthday gift from March!). We painted the top of the wall Glidden "Navy blue" and wallpapered the lower 2/3's with beadboard wallpaper from Lowe's. It's been quite awhile since I've wallpapered, but it came out great! Today we cut the chair-rail trim for between the 2 sections. We still have to paint the wallpaper "trim white" and nail up the chair-rail and then we're ready to accessorize the room!
We started the Labor Day weekend out at the Lake house, but came back early on Sunday afternoon because the rains from Tropical storm Lee were on the way. We packed a lot into the short time we were there. We went out on the boat and Carter swam in the lake with us and even went tubing on our old Big Bertha with Kelly. We blew bubbles all weekend and just played and had fun. Auntie Alex held out giving Carter pretzels until he said her name, guess what? he did!

Tomorrow it's back to my daily schedule of going to treatment every afternoon. 12 down 19 more to go. I've felt a few side effects... I have a low grade nausea that comes and goes, and I've had to watch what I eat so I don't have to take too many Immodium. I really have to do better with that. I learned that pizza is a big NO, and salads are not good either, or any vegetables for that matter, while on radiation! Tomorrow I start my bland only diet! 

I feel like I still have a good amount of energy, but they keep telling me that will dwindle. I'm just trying to get as much done as I can before that hits me. 

So tomorrow... we work on the bedroom again! I can't wait to show you the finished room.