Sunday, April 25, 2010

pity party... or basically cancer sucks!

Yesterday was rainy and stormy and basically a do-nothing day around here. Not very productive, almost like losing an entire day. Oh well... it was partly because of the weather and partly because I got some unexpected news on Friday. I'd had a follow up CAT scan on Monday, and yes... to wait until Friday to get the results makes for a long week. But the truth is I am feeling good and was expecting a clean report, and I wasn't worried. Not so though, my mistake. The scan showed I have another lung nodule, 8mm already, a suspected metastasis, just like what I had removed 5 months ago. Damn it. I have always thought I may have to have Thoracic surgery again, but not so soon, not twice within a year. For my type of Sarcoma though, that's the course of treatment, surgery. Not that I would want to do chemo, but there is no chemo they have found to work. There are a few clinical trials going on with drugs that are extremely toxic, for patients who have inoperable cancers, but my cancer is excluded. Not that I would choose that now anyway. So surgery again it is. I'm a "take the bull by the horns" type of gal, organized and with a plan, someone who likes to feel in control. But... once again cancer has made me feel weak and frail and fragile. It's that "roller coaster" all over again, where I go from being rational, logical and strong to being emotional, scared and fragile.

painting by Trish at TheOldPostRoad

And... I'm angry... I don't want to share my life with cancer.
So... yo' Cancer... you want another piece o' me?! You can have another piece, a small centimeter piece, but not without a fight. Just know this... you can't have all of me!

Today... the sun is shining again and the weather will be beautiful. I won't let this day pass me by. The pity party's over... I may take an occasional ride on the roller coaster but you can bet I'll be back to enjoying life!

12 comments:

  1. We're right here with you on that roller coaster. Just know how much we love you and are praying for you every day. You'll kick this cancers butt- just like the times before. xoxoxoxxox

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  2. Praying for you, friend. Just get that surgery done and over with. xoxo

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  3. Cancer clearly hasn't learned its lesson yet, and has no clue WHO it's dealing with. Go kick some cancer butt, my friend.

    p.s. the OCD editor in me couldn't abide the typo in my first post ;-/

    p.p.s. give that sweet little Carter a big kiss from a big fan :-)

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  4. Cancer is not match for you. Period. Another bump in the road to deal with and then be back to business as usual. But I know you are disappointed, and I don't blame you. You are a strong woman, but it is completely okay to want some TLC. I can be there in no time to whisk you away for a day of whatever. Remember that. So glad you have such a great support system. Take care. Eyes on that grandbaby always. :-) xoxo

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  5. So sorry - Great attitude on your part. Hang in there and keep fighting! (and thanks for using my painting!)
    -Trish

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  6. You are NOTHING close to fragile or weak, Mrs. N!! You are so much more resilient than the cancer and you'll beat it again. Love you and continually praying for you!

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  7. I'm a new follower because I was reading your last post. I'm thinking what a great talented gardener this golfing girl is. I moved up a post to read your most recent post and then saw the news! Holy cow! My very young brother in law is fighting the same disease as you! He also is an avid golfer. He was told that it seems that all the pesticides that they spray in the lawn could be responsible for the too many cases of lung cancer in golfers. I dont know how frequently you golf but he practically lived there LOL They are creating "organic" golf clubs now because of health complaints. Have you ever hear about this? They even say not to buy a house near a golf club. Keep us bloggers posted. Take care. Anne-Marie

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  8. You are truly amazing. KICK SOME BUTT!

    I can't tell you how much I admire your optimistic attitude. You are allowed to get angry and sad. Geez, I'm angry and said cuz' my teenage daughter is giving me grief.

    I'm still going to pray for you, because prayers can only help!

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  9. love you so much mama and keep praying for you every day. you'll get through this - you are so strong, not frail, and have a great attitude. i can't wait to see you in a week to give you a huge hug! xoxo

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  10. I am so sorry to hear the news. You are a strong woman. I truly admire your attitude. I know in my heart you will get through this.

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  11. Yes, cancer does SUCK. We put you in the prayer book last night @ my group. Imagine all the friends that you have never met who are praying for you and sending you our best wishes for good health and happiness. XO

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  12. I just heard this news from Kelly today. I am behind. And I am so sorry! I know that came out of the blue. I know exactly what you mean about not wanting this disease to take over your life.

    I will pray for you and yes, you feel fragile right now, but you are strong!

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